Summary: After playing in teh rain, they go take a bath. And then fight. Wolfram runs away and is gay in his room. They make up.. and... stuff. But it's emo again. Apparently they can't decide if they're going to be emo or not.
About an hour after their rain escapade began, Wolfram found himself settling into a nice, hot bath, his husband following suit. Rather than fling his towel off and prance around naked for a bit beforehand, though, he made sure to keep himself covered for as long as possible. It wasn't as if Murata had never seen anything before, but..it was just different now. He was keeping an eye on the Sage, though, even if he was trying to be sneaky about it, just stealing glances every few moments.
Murata had to do everything in his power to turn off his pervert nature. It worked when he made sure he was facing the other direction and he was getting in the bath with people from gym class... but when he pretended to do that, he could he wanted to huddle into a corner and cover as much of himself as possible. Hm.
In either case, Murata dipped a toe into the water and after deeming it appropriate enough, took off his towel and set it aside before dissappearing into the bath. He emerged and shook his head like a dog and settled at the edge of the tub. "Ah... warmth..."
Wolfram smiled a bit, keeping his distance but looking relaxed all the same. Afterall, the steam was thick enough and the bubbles on the surface made it almost impossible to see anything under the water so there was nothing of that nature to worry about. "So I gather that this was a good idea?"
"Yeah..." Murata nodded, still sinking along the edge and being in his little state of bliss. "After the freezing rain, I really needed this. Great idea." He flexed his toes in the water and wiggled them around a little. Heeee ripples.
"Hopefully neither of us will get a cold." Wolfram mumbled, stretching his legs out..and accidently nudging his toes against Murata's under the water. He stiffened a bit and pulled his legs back, his cheeks a bit red. Sure he had just made out with Murata, but..it was still weird...
Murata's legs retrated as well and he almost muttered "sorry" but refrained. Instead, he looked at the ceiling, trying to continue the subject at least before it got too awkward. "Yeah... but I haven't sneezed yet, so I might be fine." .... he suddenly frowned and wished he had a piece of wood to knock on.
And technically he DID have a piece of wood to knock on, if you know what I mean, but that was beside the point.
Wolfram sighed softly and looked down at the water, suddenly feeling very alone on his side of the tub. "Hey Mura.." He began, ignoring the previous conversation. "Do you think...we'll ever be back to..you know..normal?"
Murata had been asking this question since forever. He wanted to get back to normal so bad, but the reason he wasn't was because he thought Wolfram wanted him dead even though he had forgiven him. Murata was busy proving that Wolfram mattered to him by backing off. But... still... ;_; He wanted to be able to kiss Wolfram again without freaking out. "I hope so..." He swirled the waters around with his fingers. "I... want to. But I don't know how long it'll take."
And Wolfram wanted to be able to be kissed again without being reminded of his husband cheating on him. He nodded a little, pulling his legs and arms in tightly to form a sitting ball in the water. "Do you ever worry...that it'll never be the same?"
Murata suddenly didn't want to be in the bathtub anymore. He kind of wanted to run out of the door and down the hall and out of the castle and out of this world and curl up in his bed at home. "I'm always afraid of that..." He said quietly. "I don't think I'll ever get your trust back, and without that, it'll never be normal again."
Wolfram nodded again, slower this time, and was quiet for a long while. "...hey Mura?" He suddenly spoke up, lifting his eyes up to meet his husband's. "..can I kiss you?"
"I... I don't know." Murata slowly turned around and made himself busy with getting some soap. He had managed to kiss Wolfram in the rain and that had satisfied him enough so that he could pretend he was in a fantasy world. But now it was just... he couldn't... "I don't think it's a very good idea. I might... be encouraged to take it further. Isn't it fine just... being together like this?"
"I just..I just want to try..." Wolfram mumbled, feeling smaller and smaller every moment. Really. His husband was denying him kisses. He must have been horrible or something.
"And if it doesn't work?" Murata really didn't know what Wolfram wanted to try. Try to make it normal again? Try to forget what happened? Try to trust him? He smashed the bar of soap into the rag he was using, roughly lathering it up as if he were having a temper tantrum.
Wolfram noticed the smashing of the soap and shrank back even more. "...you still love me...right?" He questioned softly, feeling more insecure by the moment.
Murata counted to ten slowly in his head. He rarely got angry, but he was seething now. The happy moment they had in the rain had completely dissipated, now and Murata knew he was being ridiculous. "Of course I still love you. It's because I love you that I'm like this. It's just... Wolfram, everyone makes mistakes, but is one second going to ruin our entire marriage? Our happiness? We both know that I'll never do something remotely close to this again, so why can't things just be as they were? Why do we have to have this gloom hanging over us like this? We can be happier, we really can... but only if we can get everything out into the open. I feel like I hardly know your stance on anything anymore and right now, it's making me feel like you don't WANT to trust me."
Wolfram took in everything Murata said, looking down at the water again. "My stance?" He paused, as if he was trying to think of a better way to put things. "I...I really want things to be like they were, but..but...it's...it's hard." He paused, trying to make his throat stop tightening. "...it's hard knowing that..that when you tell me you love me or kiss me..those lips were...were.." How to finish this? "...on Yuuri."
"And do you think I'm in any better position?" Murata threw back at him. He didnt' care that Wolfram was being shy and taken aback. He was going to get his point across and he was going to do it now. "How many times has Yuuri seduced you? He even did it for the sake of love and the sake of getting you back. You were his fiance first. In fact, I didn't even exist to you, before. You were in love with him. You did everything for him. I'm sure you've said a lot of the same things to him as you've said to me. The difference between our situations was that I thought I was just doing a favor for a friend to answer his question. There was no temptation or forbidden love or secret longing involved."
Wolfram had been being reserved and quiet, but now he was much louder, a bit pissed at the accusations. "Just because you were never in love with him doesn't make you any better than me. People have sex with people they don't care about all the time! Just because there weren't any feelings of that sort, you think it doesn't HURT?"
"I didn't have sex with him, Wolfram!" Murata squeezed the soap so hard it flew from his hand and landed somewhere in the water. "Unless you count rape as sex. But if you're going to have this mindset where I happened to lick a certain part of Shibuya's body just to tell him what it tasted like because he was curious.. that it should.. ruin everything we've fought so hard to get? I'm sorry, but I that makes me think I didn't mean very much to you if I'm so expendable."
"I didn't say that I wanted to end it! I never said that! All I've said over and over is that I love you and I can't live without you so where the fuck are you getting these ideas?! How DARE you accuse me of not caring for you." Wolfram was not happy.
"You say that, but then you turn around and avoid me like the plague because, what. You don't trust me? You think I'll just run off with whoever crosses my path? What do you think I'm going to DO Wolfram? I didn't mean for what happened to be taken like that, but then it was and now I have to deal with all of this." He was shaking, and it was getting harder to figure out what to do with himself as far as movement went. "So here, Wolfram. Here's an answer to your question. Are we ever gong to be back to normal? NO. Because I'm read to forget it and move on but you still won't get a clue."
Wolfram...was at a loss for words for a moment. Which was strange. He just stared forward at Murata, not caring or really even noticing that he had started to cry. All he could really process was that Murata had just denied him. Denied their relationship. Denied his love. Slowly, he stood, not caring that he was exposed or anything, and stepped out of the bath, heading over to grab his towel and secure it around his waist. "If...if you really don't love me anymore, then you could have just said it." No, Wolfram didn't really get it.
Murata's anger couldn't have dissipated any faster in that moment. His jaw went slack and he reached out for Wolfram, tripping over the soap that had situated itself on the floor and stumbling a little, but not going under. "Wolfram, wait! That's not what I mean at all! I'm sorry for... for blowing up at you like that. I just... I want to forget it all. I want to go back to the way things were, but it's hard when I feel like you're afraid to touch me, so then I'm afraid to touch you." He had reached the edge of the bath and was attempting to get out, now. "Please Wolfram, please... don't leave me? It... it's fine if you never trust me again, really. I take everything back. You can remember all you want and avoid me all you want, just please don't leave me?" He had wanted to get Wolfram riled up and scare him into coming back... into forgetting what happened and continue on they way they were because they were in love. But his plan had entirely backfired.
Wolfram remained in his spot, just staring down at Murata and sniffling a bit, leaving a pool of water at his feet as he hadn't exactly dried off well. "Come here." It was an order.
Murata scrambled out of the bathtub and scurried over to Wolfram. His towel was all the way on the other end of the tub, so he was dripping all over the floor and being incredibly skinny, pale and naked. It felt as though his entire body was trembling, but he ignored it.
It took about two seconds for Wolfram to tug Murata over and press their lips together harshly, arms wound tightly around his waist and one leg snaking itself between his husband's legs. He hadn't quite been thinking about what he was doing, so if asked he wouldn't be able to answer.
Murata's breath was literally taken away. He had actually been expecting a slap, so he had held his breath. But when the exact opposite happened, Murata was suddenly in very much need of air, but he didn't want to put an end to the kiss and make it seem like he didn't want it. But aksjdfklsdjfskldj he NEEDED this kiss, so much that instead of kissing back, he crumbled into a million different pieces in Wolfram's arms, as if all the bones in his body had been removed.
Well..Murata hadn't exactly reciprocated, but he wasn't resisting and that was good, right? Wolfram deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into Murata's mouth and tightening his hold on his husband, one hand daring to slide down to give his ass a squeeze. Really. He wasn't very aware of just what he was doing. He just...wanted it.
Suddenly, Murata would have preferred a slap and took that moment to push Wolfram away for air. He made overexaggerated gasps to stall for time and to get his brain in order. He wouldn't ask what Wolfram was DOING because that was obvious. He was molesting him. Instead, he asked, "Wh....why?"
Wolfram stared, panting softly, trying to figure out himself why that had just happened. Rather than try to explain anything to Murata, though, he turned and, after grabbing his clothes, ran from the bathroom, leaving Murata alone.
Murata contemplated running after him, and contemplated not running after him. After deciding that things probably wouldn't get any better until he confronted Wolfram on why he had just tried to do him, Murata calmly went to get his towel, dried off, and took his sweet time getting dressed. He knew he would never be able to catch up with Wolfram if he ran, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to pursue him. He just... had to look for him.
Wolfram had, unfortunately for him, run to a very predictable place; his and Murata's room. He had the sense to lock the door behind him, though. Rather than bothering to get dressed he flopped on the bed as soon as he entered the room and curled up, sobbing softly to himself.
Murata made a beeline for their room. He was going to check there first and then make his way around the castle, but when he saw little wet footprints on the floor... well... it really wasn't that are to figure out. What was unpredictable, though, was the locking of the door. Murata frowned and knocked on it. "Wolfram, unlock the door! I just want to talk!"
"No! Go away! You hate me anyway!" Wolfram called out, being immature as usual. He curled up tighter, his whole body shivering.
"I don't hate you! I'm just... confused. Confused as all HELL, really." He paused. "Open the door!"
"No!! You'll just realize that you hate me if you come inside!!" ...it made sense to him.
But it didn't make sense to Murata. "WOLFRAM! I..." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I don't hate you." He repeated. "In fact, it's the exact opposite." He had given up on banging on the door and leaned against it. "I'm in love with you. I can complain about everything all I want, but it doesn't change the fact that I love you. But it's because I love you that I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should allow you to do or what I'm allowed to do to you... I don't want to jump the gun and it end up being too soon or meaningless."
A few moments later a naked, shivering, sniffling Wolfram opened the door, looking absolutely pitiful. "I just...I just thought that...that I..." He shook his head. "I don't know. I..wanted you to be mine again." He lifted a hand up to rub at his eyes, his cheeks slightly red.
"Wolfram...." Murata's eyes softened and he stepped forward, pulling Wolfram toward him into a warm embrace. He didn't care that Wolfram was getting his clothes slightly damp, either. This was far more important. "I'll always be yours. I don't belong to anyone else, okay?"
"But you won't let me touch you anymore." Wolfram argued softly, rubbing his face against Murata's shoulder and getting snot on his shirt.
"I'm afraid." Murata ignored the snot. "I'm afraid you'll think I'm easy and just want to hurry and get back to being intimate like that. I wanted to... to take it slow and prove to you that you meant so much more than that. I guess the opposite happened, and I'm sorry." Smooth hands ran up and down Wolfram's back, trying to soothe him.
Wolfram shivered a little, rubbing his face harder against Murata's shoulder. "I know I know I know..b-but...but it just feels like..you're rejecting me instead."
"I'm not rejecting you." Murata's voice was soft, his eyes closed. "If I had allowed everything to happen, we may have ended up worse than before. But.. I... I'm glad. I'm glad that you still want to be with me and you still want to kiss me because I... I still want to kiss you."
Wolfram nodded, his body starting to shiver less, even though goosebumps were quickly starting to rise on his skin. He was cold ;_;
Well that was reasonable. He was naked and wet. Murata sensed this because he was a good husband sometimes and gave Wolfram a little push into the room. "Let's get you warmed up, okay? If you weren't going to catch a cold from the rain, you might as well catch one, now. I'll send for something hot for you to drink, too, is that alright?"
Wolfram nodded a little, sniffling and rubbing his arms to try and create friction as he padded over to the dresser, searching for his nightgown. "..y-you'll take a nap with me..right?" He peered over his shoulder, looking sad and cold.
"Yes. I will." Murata confirmed, helping Wolfram find his nightgown and put it on. He tugged him to the bed and pulled back the covers. "Hurry and get in before your lips turn any more blue." Murata wanted to kiss them back to being rosy, but he'd wait a little on that.
Wolfram nodded a little, hurrying over and climbing under the covers. Instead of curling up, he held out his arms, pouting at Murata as he waited to be joined.
Murata took the extra second to remove his shirt before climbing into the bed with Wolfram, completely forgetting about getting something warm to drink, but that was fine. He was just going to use his body heat to warm Wolfram up, instead. Just after pulling the covers over them, Murata's arms immediately wrapped themselves around Wolfram's waist and drew him close. "Any better?"
Wolfram huddled close, pressing his cold nose against Murata's chest and nodding. "Uh huh." He tangled his legs with his husband's and pressing his hands flat against his back, stealing his warmth.
Wolfram's hands were OHMYGODFREEZING, but Murata survived. He tried to envelope as much of Wolfram as he could to warm him, even pressing tiny kisses to the top of his head. "Sleep well, Wolfram."
Wolfram nodded again, his lips twitching into a smile against Murata's skin. "You too.." He pressed a kiss to the center of Murata's chest, starting to settle as he got warm and slowly drifting off to slep.
but also slep
When Murata was sure Wolfram was good and asleep, he ducked under to press a warm kiss to Wolfram's slightly-blue lips. When he was satisfied, he drifted off along with him.