Summary: The Maou and Shinou have a picnic of bundt cake and dead baby gizzards. They speak of marriage and children and Annie and Li have yet another metaphor for having sex.
The Maou looked at his bundt cake and...well, he giggled. With delight. He put one hand over his mouth to suppress his womanly reflexes and wrapped the bundt cake in tinfoil to preserve its warmth and moisture.
Speaking of warmth and moisture...he was going on a picnic with Shinou and it would probably be hot and humid out. He should wear some loose clothes.
Shinou had to shower quickly to get the bloodstains off his hands. When he was finished and suitably dressed (he decided not to wear the furry robe today), he picked up the basket of mutilated children and smiled. What a lovely picnic he was going to go on with his wife-to-be.
Like a good date, he arrived at 7 o'clock, sharp. It really wasn't 7, but all good dates arrive at 7 anyway. He hoped he wouldn't have to meet the Maou's mother and look at baby pictures.
The Maou's mother was technically Jennifer, so if Shinou had had to meet her, there would have been all kinds of trouble and Shinou would have ended up in a pink apron with his hair in ponytails. However, when Shinou got there, all he found was the Maou in a half-shirt and shorts (because of the warm weather, you see) simpering at him. "Oh, you're early." The Maou said, despite the fact that Shinou was on time. "Um, well, I guess...I'm ready." He blushed. His first real date.
"Really? I thought you were supposed to take about 15 more minutes of getting ready, or slip into something a little more comfortable." Shinou blinked. "I read up on this."
"You don't like what I'm wearing?" The Maou asked, his eyes widening. Damnit! He should have gone with the leather!!
"... It looks like it's hard to take off." He was honest. And blunt. And awesome.
The Maou shook his head. "Its not! See you just..." And with a quick gesture he removed the shorts so he was completely and gloriously naked on his bottom half.
"I see, I see." Shinou nodded firmly, like a good and studious student. He reached out and touched the Maou's peen. "Alright. I will do you after the picnic. I'm hungry. Shall we?"
The Maou put on his shorts again and thought that that whole student thing made no sex at all. He grabbed his bundt cake basket and tried to discreetly hold Shinou's hand as they left together.
Shinou couldn't understand for the life of him why the Maou kept brushing their hands together. He didn't get the clue. He was a man, after all. "Is something wrong? You keep bumping into me. If you're turning retarded, I'm not going to marry you anymore."
"I'm not retarded! I took tests--well, Yuuri took them, but anyway they said I'm not." The Maou was missing the point, of course. He subsided, sulking a little and not skipping merrily (to grandmother's house) with his picnic basket anymore.
"Oh. Well. That's a relief." Shinou said simply. The Maou was acting strange and it was beginning to piss him off. First he was happy, then he was retarded and now he was sad. He really was a woman. If Shinou was Gwendal, his eye would have twitched. It was a good thing that Shinou did his research ( Dating for Dummies) and read that if you held a woman's hand, she stopped being bipolar. He tried this.
The Maou melted and began to rub up on him a little bit, preening Shinou's hair with his other hand and sparkling at him gayly. Yep, instant lack of emo. "This is our first real date." He sparkled. "Someday we'll tell our kids about it!"
"I think our kids will hurl out their insides at the thought of their parents going on a picnic." Shinou wondered why it was so pleasurable to hold someone's hand, but it made the Maou look like he wanted to be done, so it was okay.
Also, Shinou had been really nice, lately. The smell of baby blood coming from his picnic basket was starting to make him feel the need to hurt things again. Must like the smell of blood makes sharks hungry, or something.
The Maou privately was kind of turned on by Shinou's baby-eating habits and his desire to abuse the Maou. After all, that was how you knew that someone loved you, if they beat you, right? Besides, Shinou was kind of sexy when he was a jerk. Not that the Maou minded sweet Shinou. He didn't mind any form of Shinou. He wouldn't have minded retarded ugly Shinou if it came down to that.
"Where shall we have our picnic?"
Shinou wasn't ugly and retarded and if he was, he would blame the Daikenja. Really, that guy had been such a sexy bastard back in the day and now he was some ugly nerdy kid with owl eyes. If Shinou looked like that, he'd ask the Maou to euthanasia him to death.
"I was thinking in a bright, sunny field with flowers underneath a single tree with the sunlight shining through the leaves." He said with a vacant stare on his face and slowly turned himself to face the Maou. Sometimes. SOMETIMES. Shinou could tell a joke.
The Maou would peen him to death, because he was sweet like that.
The Maou wrinkled his nose, obviously thinking very hard. "I...there's some flowers...in a field...behind the castle." A hit aaaaaand... a miss.
"Um." Shinou used his mighty wrath to rip off the wings of a butterfly with his mind. He was so obviously mean like that. "Flowers mean bees and bugs. We're eating where I won't get eaten alive by buzzing insects." Meaning. Nowhere.
"I know!" The Maou used his Maou-powers to create a huge table of water that wasn't wet or cold or anything but about ten feet in the air, so they had a place to sit on and eat without being eaten alive.
"I think I remember why I'm marrying you, now. Other than the fact that you like to do me." Shinou commented and placed the picnic basket on the table. He sighed heavily and frowned. The Maou's womanhood was rubbing off on him. "Do I seem different to you? I feel different..."
Shinou was talking about his feelings. D:
The Maou edged close to lean his head on Shinou's shoulder. "You seem perfect to me. Because you are perfect. The perfect man."
"Oh yes. Well." Shinou preened. "I /AM/ perfect..."
The Maou giggled and fed him a hot piece of child liver. "Yes, you are."
Mmmm child liver. Shinou wondered if his children would taste like that, but he didn't say this to the Maou. He was getting better at learning not to eat their unborn child. He licked his lips and offered a gizzard to the Maou. Because... babies really have gizzards. They disintegrate once they learn how to talk. Really.
The Maou believed this and ate the baby gizzard, enjoying its hot, gizzardy goodness. "This is so romantic." He said, because it was, if you were the Maou and didn't realize gizzards were not romantic.
"Only the best for my..." Shinout thought for a moment. "Thing." He eyed the bundt cake.
"Am I really your thing? That's so...deeply touching!" The Maou was apparently Gunter. He unwrapped the bundt cake. "You cut the cake." He giggled, wanting Shinou to find the hidden dildo.
Shinou preened. He really did have a poetic soul, didn't he? Unlike Gunter's objects of affection, Shinou actually believed everything the Maou said. He was an egoist anyway. He took the knife and took to the cake in an unceremonious-like manner. He frowned when the knife didn't go through all the way and he tried again. Rather than going through the stiff object, he cut off a piece surrounding it and placed it aside. When he had revealed the hidden treasure, his eyes glowed and he reached to grab the Maou's leg in surprise, but ended up grabbing his peen... which was a good substitute. "It's beautiful... can I do you with it?"
The Maou blushed because Shinou's hand was on his peen and his peen was on Shinou's hand and there was peen-hand contact, plus mentions of gay sex. On a table raised ten foot in the air. With a dildo. There was no way this could possibly go wrong. It wasn't like anyone could just look out the window and see them.
"Of course you can do me. That's what its for." He sparkled.
"You think of everything, don't you?" Shinou tapped his Maou on the nose, fed himself a piece of bundt cake and contemplated doing the Maou right then and there on the table with the dildo. But he didn't. He was too busy eating the bundt cake. When he was done and could reveal the dildo in all its splendour and then lick it clean with both his tongue and the Maou's, he would do the Maou. "Would you like to choose the position this time?"
Shinou made a mental note to beat the Maou up after this picnic. He deserved it. <3
The Maou was looking forward to the beating and the gay sex and the dildo and then he was tapped on the nose and he stopped looking forward to things because he was so busy enjoying them. "I want to do me against a wall." He complained. No decent walls. Maybe they could do it on all fours.
"I was thinking about doing you on one of those ridiculous boxes and then laughing at the Daikenja when he tries to put children in them." Shinou thought out loud. "But your idea is good, too. Does this dildo vibrate?" He prodded the half-unearthed dildo with his spork. It was such an amusing color. Like blood. Speaking of blood. Shinou had a relatively great idea about taking some of the blood from the babies and pouring it on his bundt cake. Oh to think... the best of both worlds! And it was all accompanied by sex! If Shinou wasn't careful, he might suffer from premature ejaculation within a two second timeframe.
The dildo did indeed vibrate. It also washed your car, did your homework and made your coffee. The Maou was slowly and stealthily undoing Shinou's pants, leaning his head down ."I would like to be done on evil box, but what if I end up evil again?" He said, talking to Shinou's crotch.
"In that case. Here is fine." A little public indecency had never hurt them before. He quickly unearthed the dildo as the Maou unearthed his peen.
The Maou's tongue snaked out and licked at Shinou's peen, like a snake tasting the air in a snake-like fashion. He used his hand to fondle the other's testicles, as well, because they were there.
Shinou had barely been able to get out the peen and it had bits of bundt cake all over it. He didn't think that made for a very good lubricant, but at least it tasted swell. He found himself grunting like the manly man he was and spread his legs as if it helped the blowjob at all. He was intending on just doing the Maou with the dildo... but he decided that this was good, too. "Boyfriend... thing." He grunted out.
The Maou melted because he had been called a boyfriend-thing, wiggling out of his clothes if he hadn't done anything, sticking his ass up in the air as he struggled to declothe himself. He was already hard from Shinou's manly affection and began to lap delicately at the head of Shinou's peen.
Shinou decided it was good and proper to remove his peen from the Maou's mouth, dump the lovely picnic on the ground, and set the Maou on the table with his manly arms. He ignored the wonderful display of dead babies and smashed leftover bundt cake on the ground below them and got onto the table with the Maou, his own clothes miraculously dissipating. He then held out the dildo to his boyfriend-thing. "Use your watersnakes and lube this thing for me."
The Maou's watersnakes appeared to deep-throat the dildo. Instead of saliva, they produced peach-flavored lube. "Here you go, honey!" The Maou handed the lubed-up dildo to Shinou, spreading his legs with a little giggle. He...just got more womanly.
... Shinou took the time to lick the dildo because mmm... peach bundt cake. "Thanks." Then Shinou shoved the dildo in without preparing his slutty cheerleader girlfriend.
The Maou wanted pom-poms and a skirt, because then he could flip up his skirt to give Shinou access, and that would be hot, but it was too late and he let out a long moan. "Oh Shinou!" Okay, not original, but appropriate.
Normally when that was called out in bed, Shinou would cringe and kill something to sate his need for throwing up. But when the Maou did that, it was sexy. He turned himself arond, hovering over his boyfriend-thing on the table, letting his peen dangle in front of his cheerleader's face. There was her pom-pom.
He held tightly to the base of the dildo so the Maou's ass wouldn't eat it and gave it a few good turns. He wouldn't turn it on. Yet.
The Maou sucked on his pom-pom, moving in time with the turns of the dildo, his throat sliding up and down Shinou's peen as he groaned around it.
As if it were a prize for being such a willing peen-sucker, Shinou turned on the vibrator and pressed it toward what he hoped was the Maou's prostate.
If the Maou really was pregnant, the fetus would probably feel like it was on a roller coaster ride... in.. his... manwomb.
The Maou's prostate felt like it was on a ride. One of those ones where they went up, and then dropped you suddenly, only the drop was really a wave of intense pleasure that caused him to deep-throat Shinou. Because that was a logical reaction
Shinou liked this logical reaction... because it was logical. And a reaction. He gripped the base of the dildo harder and gritted his teeth. He so loved being deep-throated. After all, who didn't.... right?
The Maou loved deep-throating Shinou, so they were on the same wavelength. There was something so hot about a peen rubbing up against the back of his throat. He pulled back to breath and then went down again, wiggling his ass against the dildo.
Shinou made the dildo wiggle around like the arm of an infant. Then, because he liked it so much, he put his mouth around the Maou's exposed peen, inwardly chucking at how it vibrated in his mouth. Like Pop Rocks.
The Maou's exposed peen did a dance, but not like any part of an infant, because that was creepy. It did the macarena in Shinou's mouth.
After the Maou's peen was done enticing Shinou's mouth with the Macarena, Shinou's tongue took it in it's manly embrace and tangoed with it. Roses and all.
The Maou wanted to have a waltz, like the one they would have their wedding, so he slowed the tempo down a little more and let his penis and Shinou's tongue take their time.
Waltzing was good, too. The vibrator kept the 3/4 beat of the waltz so Shinou's tongue and the Maou's peen had something to dance to. Incidentally, Shinou was so caught up in his dance, he completely forgot about the attention his own peen was getting.
Which was rare.
The Maou was also letting his tongue dance with Shinou's peen. It was like a double-dance, or something with a fancier name. His tongue waltzed up and down Shinou's peen.
By the time Shinou's tongue had slowed down to singing a love ballad to the Maou's peen, he was finally able to appreciate his peen's attention. He moaned to add a backup singer to his ballad as his peen tingled with anticipation.
The Maou's peen almost fainted from the love ballad, and his own tongue composed a poem to Shinou's peen, his muffled groans coming in iambic pentameter. He built up the lines and climaxed the poem with, well, his climax
Shinou thought iambic pentameter hot. SO hot in fact that he found himself juice-breaking along with his boyfriend as if it were some kind of grand finale. With his last ounce of sanity, he flipped the vibrator off.
The Maou collapsed and lay on the ground on a puddle of bundt cake and semen and peach-flavor
Well. At least it was soft. Shinou pulled the dildo from the Maou's ass and set it in the mixture of goop before turning around and doing something manly like letting the Maou cling to him like a woman. Apparently if Shinou let him do this, it would ensure more sex later.
The Maou clung to him and preened Shinou's hair, possibly picking out lice and eating them. Apparently they were a troupe of baboons. "I love you." He said sappily.
Shinou still couldn't say it. Entirely. "Ditto." So he said that. It would have to do.
Shinou had actually said ditto to him! He was the luckiest girl in the world!!
He threw himself into Shinou's manly arms. It would never get any better than this.
Hm. Shinou apparently said something worth saying. He awkwardly gave a pat to the Maou's head, still not entirely used to this whole being gentle and loving thing. He would have to beat up Gwendal later today to fill his quota of at least looking evil.
The Maou thought Gwendal was probably smart enough to avoid the strings by now. He wouldn't have minded being beaten up, but cuddling was good too. As long as Shinou was involved somehow.
Maybe Shinou should invest in a whip.
The Maou would like that. Maybe he should invest in a skirt...
Shinou would very much like that. Especially if the Maou was wearing edible panties.
The Maou wasn't planning on wearing any panties, but he could try to make some bundt panties
Because bundt panties would totally work. Shinou could taste them now... or maybe that was the taste of dead baby bundt semen.
....wow, babies having semen made of bundt was the most horrible image ever. Or...maybe just the most horrible combination of words ever. Even the Maou would have been horrified, but he was too busy being gay and glowing with happiness.
Shinou sighed and was suddenly quite aware of the situation. They were on the ground where worms crawled. Shinou hated worms. That's why he never died. "Boyfriend-thing." Shinou held him tighter. "Sensuously bathe with me?"
The Maou was sticky and gross and suddenly aware of it. The idea of a hot, hot, hot, hot, hot manly bath with Shinou appealed to him immensely. "Carry me?"